Apparently, Ellis Henican knows that the people he was on the A-train with are not responsible and will most likely kill other people if they have guns. So, from now on, I guess we need to pass everything by Ellis Henican. Everybody got it? If you want a gun, you should arrange a meeting with Ellis and let him determine whether or not the Constitution applies to you. Thank you for your cooperation.

Sometimes when cops learn they killed somebody, they like to get the coroner to change the cause of death.  I think it's kind of a professional courtesy or something.  Those cops.  They're so courteous.

I was a strange lad. Always depressed and crying and whatnot. It was fifth grade and I was the new kid again. I guess the teachers wanted me to feel special so they asked if I would serve my fellow fifth graders by writing them tickets for running in the hallways. I got to wear a bright orange, um sash? It had a badge on it. I was a badass.

Mostly, the only punks that would give me any guff were the fasties, as I called them. Kids that ran everywhere. There was a war on fasties and we were steadfast in our commitment to protect all fifth graders.  read more »

So, this site really is pretty amazing.  Why didn't I think of it?  Maybe it doesn't get read by citizens much, but just knowing that cops around the country are checking the site for their names every day makes me happy.  Hey, if the site gets big enough they might just think before beating up kids. Seriously, I know that all cops aren't assholes like Officer ShortShorts, but healthy consumer action is always a good thing.  read more »

It will be The Law.  An essay written in 1850, but it seems like it will be mighty applicable.  read more »

"Well, my dad shot two cops through a door!"

I guess the police viewed the eight-member family as a violent gang?  I heard initiation was bloody and nasty.  I think they even taped it sometimes.  That's just gross. 

Officer Garcia says:  read more »