Law Encroachment

Want a gun? Let's ask Ellis.

Ben — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 09:04:05 -0700

Apparently, Ellis Henican knows that the people he was on the A-train with are not responsible and will most likely kill other people if they have guns. So, from now on, I guess we need to pass everything by Ellis Henican. Everybody got it? If you want a gun, you should arrange a meeting with Ellis and let him determine whether or not the Constitution applies to you. Thank you for your cooperation.

An Honest Mistake

Ben — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 09:04:47 -0700

Sometimes when cops learn they killed somebody, they like to get the coroner to change the cause of death. I think it's kind of a professional courtesy or something. Those cops. They're so courteous.

Safety Patrol

Ben — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:54:58 -0700

I was a strange lad. Always depressed and crying and whatnot. It was fifth grade and I was the new kid again. I guess the teachers wanted me to feel special so they asked if I would serve my fellow fifth graders by writing them tickets for running in the hallways. I got to wear a bright orange, um sash? It had a badge on it. I was a badass.

Mostly, the only punks that would give me any guff were the fasties, as I called them. Kids that ran everywhere. There was a war on fasties and we were steadfast in our commitment to protect all fifth graders.

Then one day it happened. I was at my post, scanning my line. Searching for fifth graders who had lost their way. Maybe they were just experimenting with running, maybe they were long-time runners. I didn't care. If you were in my hall, you did not run.

ACTION! A runner - and a fast one! Wait, that's not - no. It can't be. It was the CAPTAIN of the Safety Patrol. RUNNING! I did what any good cop would do. I gave him a ticket. Later that day the teacher asked me if I had given the captain a ticket. I told her the story. I figured I was getting a ribbon or something. Maybe I was up for promotion because of my unrelenting single-mindedness? No. I was reprimanded and taught a hard lesson.

Rate My Cop

Ben — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 06:19:41 -0700

So, this site really is pretty amazing. Why didn't I think of it? Maybe it doesn't get read by citizens much, but just knowing that cops around the country are checking the site for their names every day makes me happy. Hey, if the site gets big enough they might just think before beating up kids. Seriously, I know that all cops aren't assholes like Officer ShortShorts, but healthy consumer action is always a good thing.

I like the quote from this article:

Having a website like this out there puts a lot of law enforcement in danger. It exposes us out there.

Maybe you shouldn't have entered into public service if you were afraid of being "exposed?" How creepy is that? Cops don't want to be exposed.

My Next Book Purchase

Ben — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 02:57:35 -0800

It will be The Law. An essay written in 1850, but it seems like it will be mighty applicable.

The social organs are constituted so as to enable them to develop harmoniously in the grand air of liberty. Away, then, with quacks and organizers! Away with their rings, and their chains, and their hooks, and their pincers! Away with their artificial methods! Away with their social laboratories, their governmental whims, their centralization, their tariffs, their universities, their State religions, their inflationary or monopolizing banks, their limitations, their restrictions, their moralizations, and their equalization by taxation! And now, after having vainly inflicted upon the social body so many systems, let them end where they ought to have begun — reject all systems, and try of liberty — liberty, which is an act of faith in God and in His work.

So, how was your Christmas break, Johnny?

Ben — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 22:27:39 -0800

"Well, my dad shot two cops through a door!"

I guess the police viewed the eight-member family as a violent gang? I heard initiation was bloody and nasty. I think they even taped it sometimes. That's just gross.

Officer Garcia says:

He was firing through a door -- didn't know who was behind it. It could've been a relative coming home.

Yeah, my relatives frequently break in through the windows.

You would think that the cops could just - oh I don't know - drive by the house during the day to make sure the violent gang had more than two people over 48 inches tall. Five broken windows and 22 bullet holes later, only the two cops were hit. It's a good thing those cops can't shoot. To their credit, they were outnumbered.